We've ranted extensively about how the takings-only ripeness rules of Williamson County just don't hold water, but until the Supreme Court revisits and overrules that decision, we're stuck with it. The federal courts we're told, just don't like sitting as "super zoning boards of appeal," and adjudicating federal constitutional issues are simply beneath Article III judges when something as "local" as land use law is involved. See here at p. 11 for an example.
Well here's an example of what those federal judges do spend their time on: a decision from the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit (complete with a 21-page dissent) about a guy who crapped his pants in a public restroom.
Al Roker, we got our eyes on you.
Turns out it was a restroom in a federal courthouse. Bad for the guy, who gets charged with willfully damaging federal property. We'll leave it to you to read the opinion for the details (there's way too much information in the opinion, including photos--thankfully only of the cleaned-up restroom--including how high up the walls the stuff was smeared, the condition of the guy's abandoned boxer shorts, and the custodian's considered "plan" for dealing with a mess that was so bad she "was intially at a loss for how to clean the restroom.").
So next time you get tossed out of federal court because land use cases are too plebeian for Their Honors, just remember this case. But don't use your visit to the restroom on the way out as a way to "protest."
