Dirt Lawyer Holiday Gift Giving Guide (2021 Edition)

What to get the dirt lawyer in your life for the holidays? Charlie Brown got a bag of rocks for Halloween, so there’s that. Or there are the old reliable, origami boulders. But you are better than that and want to be a good gifter.

So here are our 2021 suggestions for stocking stuffers that will make property mavens celebrate the season. 

Start here, a Hess Triangle t-shirt, available from Brooklyn Streetworks. No no true dirt lawyer could resist this classy depiction of the smallest piece of private real estate in the Big Apple. True mavens know this one, and donning this shibboleth is a sign to others in the know that you know your stuff; a “secret handshake” of sorts to kindred spirits.

“Never been dedicated to public use?” – you show ’em who’s boss!

Next up is the recently-published “Power and Liberty – Constitutionalism in the American Revolution” by famed historian Gordon S. Wood.

True, it’s not directly about property, takings, or other dirt stuff, but it quickly provides the essential background to all that goodness.

From the blurb: “In this new book, eminent historian Gordon S. Wood distills a lifetime of work on constitutional innovations during the Revolutionary era. In concise form, he illuminates critical events in the nation’s founding, ranging from the imperial debate that led to the Declaration of Independence to the revolutionary state constitution making in 1776 and the creation of the Federal Constitution in 1787. Among other topics, he discusses slavery and constitutionalism, the emergence of the judiciary as one of the major tripartite institutions of government, the demarcation between public and private, and the formation of states’ rights.“

(We’ve already read it, so if you are thinking of this one as our stocking-stuffer, you can keep going.)

Next up is the classic; an oft-repeat guest on our holiday list because there’s no way that your condemnation lawyer won’t love this: wines from Oregon’s Eminent Domaine vintner. 

From their web site: “The name, Eminent Domaine, is a reflection of our experience with the legal term, eminent domain, our dedication to the Oregon wine industry and our love of the wines produced in our region. In 2002 the City of Portland cited eminent domain as reason for claiming an office building we owned downtown. We began negotiations, as we agreed with the intent of the law, which states that the property would be used for the public good in exchange for a price based on fair market value. However, when both qualifiers came into question, a lengthy legal process ensued. Despite having a more favorable outcome from arbitration, the compensation was low and the property was used for undisclosed purposes. Having been brought up on a small farm in Hillsboro Oregon, Jeff Meader always wanted to go back to the land. Already entrenched in Oregon’s wine industry and looking to the future, it was a natural progression to re-invest in a small piece of land in the coveted Ribbon Ridge AVA. In 2009, we set about planting the 7-acre parcel with selected Pinot Noir clones and harvested our first estate fruit in 2011.”

Hurry down the chimney, Santa!

* * * *

More books. A reissue of another classic, Professor Bernard Siegan’s “Land Use Without Zoning” (2020 ed.)

What property lawyer or land user wouldn’t be happy to find this on her table on a cold December morning?

“In his pioneering 1972 study, Land Use Without Zoning, Bernard Siegan first set out what has today emerged as a commonsense perspective: Zoning not only fails to achieve its stated ends of ordering urban growth and separating incompatible uses, it also drives housing costs up and competition down. . . . Siegan demonstrates how land use will naturally regulate itself in a nonzoned environment.”

Good book, and much cheaper than a flight to Houston.

For a mere fourteen simoleons (plus shipping), you can give a present that every property lawyer will “get,” pick up sticks.

(I understood that reference.)

In case you can’t quite figure it out: “This simple yet classic game hones hand-eye coordination and helps develop a child’s [and your lawyer’s] fine motor skills. The game consists of 41 thin wooden sticks in assorted colors, each measuring 9.5-inches long.”

Gather your right to exclude, your right to make economically productive use, your right to gift or sell (inter vivos or causa mortis), your right to interest-following-principal, and pick ’em up and tie ’em in a bundle.

What’s in the box? Not Grotius. A bundle of sticks!

It does not quite sound like a property-related movie: “The film is based on the true story of a senior member of the Polish Politburo (played by Donald Sutherland) and his wife (played by Anne Archer) who are both abruptly banished from the party. While they struggle to figure out why, having unusual encounters with people they do not know in the process, things start to take a darker turn when the wife is sent to a mental asylum and their 15-year-old daughter is kidnapped.”

But hey, the title wouldn’t lie, would it?

Available on VHS here. 

Want to go literal (or maybe really, really meta)? How about an actual bag of dirt?

That’s right, for a mere $15 USD, you can get a bag of Readi-SOIL RSAPVB-8 All Purpose Vegetable Blend Total Organic Soil Remedy. Straight from Tractor Supply Company.

As described by the seller, “a naturally perfect blend of our own, site-managed worm castings combined with distinctly homorganic deep woods peat moss, resulting in the perfect planting soil.”

What dirt lawyer could not love actual dirt? Beats a bag of rocks, Charlie Brown!

Happy holidays, everyone.