Too busy writing those briefs and writs, and haven't found the time to hit your local store or the interwebs and fulfill your seasonal duties? Or maybe you just have gifter's block about an appropriate present for the dirt lawyer in your life this holiday season.
Well, you could go the Charlie Brown route and give your kindred a bag of rocks, or the old reliable origami boulders (see below). But you are better than that and want to be a good gifter, no?
So here are our modest suggestions for some last-minute gifts to show your loved ones how much you really care. (Suggest your own in the comments below.)
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A Lump of Genuine Pennsylvania Coal. First up is the classic lump of coal. But in our case a lump of Pennsylvania Coal (I see what you did there). Anthracite, not bituminous, of course.
Usually, finding a lump of coal in one's stocking results in a long face, but there's not a dirt lawyer out there who would be unhappy receiving this one.
But let's say you don't live in the Wyoming Valley of Pennsylvania, and thus do not have ready access to coal-in-the-wild. Well, you are in luck: the Pennsylvania Anthracite Heritage Museum in Scranton has a store, and you can have it shipped. If it is too late for that, there's always a rock and some glossy black paint from your local hardware store.
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SCOTUS origami boulders. Next up is another classic, handcrafted with love from old print-outs of important takings cases. Recycle a few pages and rescue them from the blue bin and you are in business! No Martha Stewart skills necessary. Crumple and go!
Also good for the procrastinators, since you don't need an open store to show your recipient how much you care.
There's creative origami ... and not so creative origami.
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Bundle o' Sticks. The heck with the metaphor, give 'em the real thing.
Yet another classic, sure to put a smile on your dirt lawyer's face: the Bundle of Sticks.
Show 'em how much you appreciate their expertise and skill with this "insiders" gift. No one else will get it, but they will.
Best of all is that these are out there for the taking (no just compensation required), just waiting for you to pick them up. Go on, you know you want to.
Eminent Domaine wines. Next up is an old standby; an oft-repeat guest on our holiday list because there's no way that your condemnation lawyer won't love this one.* * * *
Of course, we are referring to wines from Oregon's Eminent Domaine vintner.
From their web site: "The name, Eminent Domaine, is a reflection of our experience with the legal term, eminent domain, our dedication to the Oregon wine industry and our love of the wines produced in our region. In 2002 the City of Portland cited eminent domain as reason for claiming an office building we owned downtown. We began negotiations, as we agreed with the intent of the law, which states that the property would be used for the public good in exchange for a price based on fair market value. However, when both qualifiers came into question, a lengthy legal process ensued. Despite having a more favorable outcome from arbitration, the compensation was low and the property was used for undisclosed purposes. Having been brought up on a small farm in Hillsboro Oregon, Jeff Meader always wanted to go back to the land. Already entrenched in Oregon’s wine industry and looking to the future, it was a natural progression to re-invest in a small piece of land in the coveted Ribbon Ridge AVA. In 2009, we set about planting the 7-acre parcel with selected Pinot Noir clones and harvested our first estate fruit in 2011."
Hurry down the chimney, Santa!
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A film buff on your list? Already gave 'em The Castle, Little Pink House, and Battle For Brooklyn?
Well fear not, may we suggest "Eminent Domain" (1990).It does not quite sound like a property-related movie, however: "The film is based on the true story of a senior member of the Polish Politburo (played by Donald Sutherland) and his wife (played by Anne Archer) who are both abruptly banished from the party. While they struggle to figure out why, having unusual encounters with people they do not know in the process, things start to take a darker turn when the wife is sent to a mental asylum and their 15-year-old daughter is kidnapped."
But hey, the title wouldn't lie, would it? And even if it is a poorly-reviewed 1990s spy flick, who cares? Your kin's bookshelf will look better with a box spine that says "Eminent Domain."Available on VHS here.* * * *Want to go literal (or maybe really, really meta)? How about an actual bag of dirt?
That's right, for a mere $15 USD, you can get a bag of Readi-SOIL RSAPVB-8 All Purpose Vegetable Blend Total Organic Soil Remedy. Straight from Tractor Supply Company.
As described by the seller, "a naturally perfect blend of our own, site-managed worm castings combined with distinctly homorganic deep woods peat moss, resulting in the perfect planting soil."
What dirt lawyer could not love actual dirt? Beats a bag of rocks, Charlie Brown!
Happy holidays, everyone.
