Today is the first 90 minutes of the epic three-day appellate arguments in the "Obamacare" Supreme Court cases. No doubt, coverage of the arguments will suck all the air out of the punditry room, and leave little space for discussion of anything else.
As it should be. Whatever the outcome, these arguments are going to be legendary, the pinnacle of appellate practice: the Super Bowl, the World Series, the World Cup, the Daytona 500, all rolled up into one. Who could not be fascinated.
Rather than compete for your attention with talk of takings, eminent domain, the fallacy of Williamson County, and the usual topics of this blog, we thought we'd take the low road instead.
Exhibit "A" is the complaint in Helmburg v. Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity, Inc., No. 12-C-57 (filed Jan. 23, 2012). It's a case that reminds us of that bane of first year Torts class, Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad, 162 N.E. 99 (N.Y. 1928), and the series of unfortunate events that started with fireworks, followed with an explosion, and ended up with Mrs. Palgraf greviously injured instead of going to Far Rockaway Beach. Except in Helmburg, it involved a bottle rocket, a fraternity, and the plaintiff's fall off of a wooden deck. See paragraph 8 of the complaint.
We submit that the legal issue posed by paragraph 22 of the complaint -- whether "the activity of underaged drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes 'ultra-hazardous' activity which exposes both of these defendants to strict liability" -- is surely more interesting than the reach of the Commerce Clause, Wickard v. Filburn, whether choosing not to buy a product or service is participating in commerce, and the Anti-Injunction Act.
More here, if you dare, from the Courthouse News Service.